Do you ever find yourself daydreaming, thinking that if you only had (x) then you could do (y), and finally be (z)? Perhaps if you only had more time, more money, a spouse, or something else- then everything would fall in line.

This is what is known as the Have-Do-Be mindset. It was first described by the late psychologist and spiritual teacher Ram Dass in the 1970s, but it remains remarkably contemporary.

Put another way, the "have, do, be" concept is a way of thinking about how we relate to the world around us. According to this framework, it’s easy to build our lives around the belief that our possessions, actions, or achievements will make us happy or fulfilled.

But in truth this way of thinking can actually hold you back from achieving your dreams. It can make you a passive observer, giving up your power and your agency in service to an imagined future over which you may have little control.

Instead of focusing on what you wish you could have, and what you are unable to do, you can flip the script by reflecting on who you want to be right now.

By making this choice, the path forward, the doing, becomes so much more clear. While the “having”, or what you might define as success, may not always be directly in reach, each step will move you closer to the life you want to live. And what may at first have seemed to be the goal might ultimately shift into something a little different, but even more fulfilling.

Be

Reversing the script can feel uncomfortable because it forces you to become accountable to yourself.

Getting started right now, rather than waiting for some unmapped date in the future, can be unsettling. And searching for firm footing to define exactly who you want to be can feel a little awkward.

But there are a few simple steps that can help you to get there with more clarity and certainty. And once you do so, you will begin to discover a sense of calm and purpose that may have eluded you before.

The key to getting started is to identify your own personal guiding principles.

What kind of person do you want to be, both personally and professionally? In other words, what are your core values? How can you live them out in your work as a physician and in your broader life as a friend, partner, parent, citizen, community member, or individual?

This exercise can be enlightening and sustaining. If you’re looking for a way to define your own personal values, my Core Values Worksheet can help.

Do

By naming your core values and aspirations, you can make intentional choices rather than simply reacting to external pressures or expectations.

Your priorities and goals will become clearer and more personal. And from there, you’ll be able to define the steps you need to take to keep yourself on track.

This could be as simple as setting aside a little protected time each day to work on your goals, or it may mean making a major life change. You may surprise yourself by what you discover as you work through this process.

Have

In defining your values and taking action, you will begin to find yourself living a life that aligns with who you are now and who you hope to become.

The “have” part of this equation will become more real and more attainable, rather than simply a dream.

As you grow towards your own North Star, your goals may shift a little, or maybe even a lot. And that will be how you know that you are on your own path.

Most importantly, if you’re feeling stuck, take action and don’t give up. You’ve done this before. If you got through medical school, you know that you are capable, resourceful, and smart. Your time may be more constrained now, but taking even a 15-minute block each evening to plan for the day ahead is a good place to start.

Know that through action you will find clarity.

An earlier version of this article appeared on this site in May, 2023

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